So tired and sore but sleep eludes me. I lie here and can't get my mind to shut-off. I have several lipomas on my buttocks, upper thighs, and the backs of my arms.
I have had a migraine for over 31 days. My head has felt like it has had a vice grip on it for weeks. The lights, sounds, smells they all make it worse. I pray when I go to the neurologist she can figure out something that will work.
This is a new year and I hope that it is a better year for health and other things.
I want to reestablish my relationship with Jesus. I know that if I kept Him in my life daily things would seem better even if they weren't.
If you read this please pray for strength, hope, and healing. Happy New Year!

A little try at poetry

This is my first try at a personal blog so not sure who's it's going to go.  I thought I would come up with a few poems foe this first of what I hope are many blogs.

These poems today are written about my depression, my abuse, my parents deaths, and my illnesses.  I am not writing for sympathy actually writing for therapy.

Haiku

Heavens awaiting
Family and friends are there
Just not my time yet

Keep remembering
Not easy to forget them
Pray I can forgive

Years seem to pass fast
Yet days seem to go by slow
Hoping to stop clocks

Some friends come and go
In hard times the truth is seen
I need just a few

Some days hurt so bad
Can't even get out of bed
Crying helps sometimes

My Marathon

At night I feel like I have run a marathon
in reality I have only gotten out of bed about a dozen times.
I let the dog out to run around and go the bathroom
then I went to use the bathroom while he is outside.
I don't eat much especially if my husband or daughters don't make me something
if I need to feed myself it is toast, cereal, or a sandwich.
My husband got me a Jawbone Up to see how much I sleep during a day
generally I am in bed from 16 - 20 hours a day but only sleep 3 - 8 hours.
When I am not sleeping I watch TV and some days movies
or I play some games on my phone or check out the Internet and Facebook.
I used to love to read, I could read a book every couple days but now I can't concentrate to remember
or I loved meeting with people, doing Bible studies, volunteering, or going to church.
These things that I can't do any more makes me more frustrated and depressed
not being able to work or have fun for a people person/social butterfly is really hard.
My body has tiny little aliens which are like pieces of rice and beans from scalp to feet
my skin gets itchy and I know another little monster will soon make an appearance.
I am unable to get comfortable in any position because no matter which way I lay
there are painful lumps that I am lying on. Try sitting or lying on rice or marbles to see how it feels.
Medications are like friends because if I am not with certain ones you won't want to be near me
if I am not with other ones I can't even be near me.
The tiredness, fatigue, anxiety, depression, migraines, pain, moodiness
and the list could go on and on is what I deal with daily.
Frustration with many, many doctors I have encountered
most have said if you just get happy and loose weight most your symptoms will go away.
I have dieted off and on throughout my life and 95% of it I have been overweight
losing weight, exercising, changing what I ate did not change my symptoms.
So now it is night again, I just ran another marathon
tomorrow I will wake up and do the same things all over again.